Let’s Talk
Friendships Vs. Modern Culture
Seli’s Rant
A week or so ago, my friend, Selinam, went on a little WhatsApp status rant. I found a lot of wisdom in what the young lady was saying, so I asked her to write a blog post… we can’t have good wisdom disappearing in just 24 hours, now can we? Anyway, she doesn’t blog — although I can tell she would make a good writer (Seli, do you hear me?) — so she sent me everything she wrote, which I have compiled, and to which I have added my own little oomph below. I have tried to blend it so you don’t know where her words end and mine start, but what’s really important is the underlying message.
We are a generation in need of wisdom. Godly wisdom. Not that social media rubbish. I hope this opens hearts and eyes, if even just a little.
If you’re an every-man-for-himself and look-out-for-number-one modernist, aka a selfish person, this could ruffle your feathers a bit. I would advise that you let it.
Yup, let it.
Seli, thanks.
“Everyone is going through stuff, people can’t be there for you all the time, stop holding it against them”
I’ve seen this a lot, circulating on social media pages. Let’s talk about it.
This message is for those who carry friendships on their heads. Not acquaintances or “just friends”, I mean real friendships.
Ready? Well, if you aren’t, you can take your sweet time.
Everyone is going through stuff, people can’t be there for you all the time.
Yes, everyone, or most people, are going through a lot in life. It can get to a point where you wouldn’t have the energy or mental fortitude to talk to anyone, let alone check up on someone. It’s understandable, I’ve been there.
However, if we always default to the “Everyone is going through life” mantra, doesn’t this mean the people around you are also going through life? And these people include your friends, right?
So let me ask you: do we think we can lower the rates of suicide and depression by minding our own business, since we’re all going through life and we can’t check up on everyone? “Everyone should paddle his own canoe.” “I can’t be there for you, deal with your issue.” This is what we’re going for?
I’ve been at a place where I needed my friends to be around. I needed to be ‘friended’. To not be the one ‘friending’ for once. I didn’t want to check up on anyone, I wanted to be checked up on. All the things I did as a friend for friends, I wanted my friends to do for me.
I didn’t get it. Lol.
The effects of that are a topic for another day.
Friendship is a two way street. You scratch my back, I scratch yours. It’s just easier when there’s mutuality.
Yes, in life we don’t need to have expectations of others, do what you’re doing as unto the Lord, blah blah blah. But we’re talking about relationships here!
Even God loves mutuality. You draw near, He draws nearer; you give Him your heart, He gives you Himself; you talk to Him, He responds! And that’s why we refer to the fellowship of the Holy Spirit in the words of the the Grace.
These days, we hop on everything any ‘wise’ man or woman says on Twitter or Instagram. We don’t bother to dissect the information before re-posting. We have forgotten that all these people on the internet are talking from their experiences, or what they want for themselves.
Someone says men are trash because of a bad experience with some men in the past. That doesn’t make my pops, or your pops for that matter, trash just because Jane Brown said so! Think, people, think!
See all this craziness on the internet; I mean, people justify rape; others act foolishly and blame it on when they were born, or their constellation or whatever. Today, everyone has ADHD, some anxiety disorder, depression, and everything in between without any proper diagnosis from a medical professional. Sometimes I wonder, do these guys know real depression? I mean, sure, millennials and Gen-Z’s are bombarded with dopamine rushes from over-exposure to screen time and what not, but who decided it was a good idea to hide behind these terms to explain away our laziness and our pride and the sheer lack of wisdom we display sometimes, especially in the case where we’ve chosen to disconnect from the lessons of the generations before us.
Look, people will have opinions; people will be biased; people talk from their experiences, pain, anger, bitterness, joy… every emotion. So if you decide to always take what Sir Gordon Huggins posts, without fully understanding his perspective, you’ll destroy a lot of beautiful things in your life, including your relationships.
Before I share my thoughts, I talk to God. I don’t want it to come just from the way I feel. No. but sometimes it’s tempting.
One time I almost posted “Friendships are trash” because I was hurting. A lot ran through my mind during those times. I could have easily come up with a convincing piece. Me, the preacher of good relationships. But thank God for grace and self-control. Since I want to be led, I don’t just come out to type anything because I feel like it.
Friendships are about mutuality, sharing, being there for one another. It’s all in my manual: The Bible.
Bear one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ.
Galatians 6:2Rejoice with those who rejoice, and weep with those who weep. Be of the same mind toward one another. Do not set your mind on high things, but associate with the humble. Do not be wise in your own opinion.
Romans 12:15–16I have shown you in every way, by laboring like this, that you must support the weak. And remember the words of the Lord Jesus, that He said, ‘It is more blessed to give than to receive.’ ”
Acts 20:35
Here’s another one I particularly like:
Two are better than one, Because they have a good reward for their labor. For if they fall, one will lift up his companion. But woe to him who is alone when he falls, For he has no one to help him up. Again, if two lie down together, they will keep warm; But how can one be warm alone? Though one may be overpowered by another, two can withstand him. And a threefold cord is not quickly broken.
Ecclesiastes 4:9–12
You’re going through stuff? Shaaaareee!
Don’t just listen to your friend share down to her guts while you sit there internalizing your issues and be acting off. It may not come easy but try and talk about it with your friend… that is, if he or she is really your friend.
You don’t need to give the information if you don’t want to, but you could always say, “Seli, I’m feeling this way. I don’t want to talk about it. But just know all isn’t well.”
Communicaaaate! People are dying on the inside because we’ve all decided to paddle our own canoes. That’s why we have friends.
Yes we have Jesus, but Jesus has given us wonderful people as friends.
Let’s help one another.
Yes, it’s not easy; life is tough, but a part of friendship is the responsibility of contributing to another’s sanity. Make life a little easier for others, and yourself.
You can’t carry the world on your head. No. Drop it all on Jesus, but allow your loved ones to help you take the load to Him.
Let’s make life easy for one another. Just try.
In Closing…
If we all start doing things like Christ, using the Bible as our manual, allowing the Spirit of God to guide us; life will be better, characters will be moulded, personalities will be shaped, thoughts will be transformed and our actions will be intentional.
The world needs that.
God, help us. Amen.
